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Day 10, 12, 15, 20… 30(???) of lockdown

April 7, 2020

I don’t even know how many days have gone by. All I know, is this totally feels like a new kind of normal. And I feel like I’m quite enjoying it. Kind of. Ok so I say enjoying but it’s a real mixed bag of emotions.

I said it before, I’ll say it again. I hate that we can’t help. I’ve signed up to all sorts of volunteering sites, but it seems they have got so many applications they’re still trying to process them all so it’s very much a waiting game. And hey – I’m so happy that they have so much interest that truly is amazing. But it’s really quite frustrating to be sat feeling quite useless – but as we keep getting reminded, sticking to the rules, following the guidance, just doing that is helping so that’s something I suppose.

I hate that I can’t see my family 🙁 I miss them. I miss seeing my nephew go through his exciting life moments. I miss giving hugs. Feel like I’ve not given a hug to anyone (other than Mo or Hugo) in so long.

I hate that we can’t go into the city!! I LOOOOOOVE Manchester and I miss it so, so, sooooo much 🙁 I miss the business, I miss the restaurants, I miss hanging out and doing something new.

I miss my radio show. I miss seeing the crew on a Friday night. I miss having a laugh, meeting new people, celebrating great events and new talent.

I hate that I have to cross the road and avoid people. It feels so rude and unnatural and sterile and yes I know its safe, safe, safe… but I hate it all the same.

I MISS TRAVELLING!!! Ahhhh travelling…

I mean who doesn’t miss travelling? I didn’t even have anything planned but it’s still sad to think I can’t plan anything.

All that aside, I have become incredibly conscious that these are totally problems of someone leading a fairly privileged life. And I am trying really hard to continue to keep things perspective.

So putting all my whingeing aside, over the last few weeks since my last post (was that a few weeks ago? Who knows these days) I’ve started to feel very different.

I’ve gotten quite used to being home for one. It’s strangely comforting. Working from home is a lot more productive than I thought, although I don’t feel I’ve gained any extra time from cutting down the commute as the work days feel longer. Hours blend together, days are flying by, it’s difficult to even know what day it is. I haven’t felt the need to go out, apparently that’s not a good place to be and I really should be getting some fresh air, but I’ve just had no desire to, it’s a strange feeling. I’m in my home bubble and I’m weirdly quite happy to stay here at the moment.

I watched a TED talk recently that explained boredom was the perfect feeling to help you get creative. And it couldn’t have been more true. I’ve been bursting with ideas, half of which I can’t do, some of which I can and over these last few weeks I’ve realised that this is slowly beginning to drive other people nuts.

I also reduced my phone time. Massively. Hardly any social. No news no nothing. Radio for updates and good news, trying to spend some time reading. Not as much as I should, but slowly does it. I’ve tried to do more things that keep me calm. Keep me relaxed. Reduce the stress, the constant drone of my to-do list playing over and over again. Puzzles, colouring, home spa time, cleaning (I do love cleaning).

Lockdown isn’t easy, but it’s also not hard when you think about it. We’re very privileged that this is the least we have to do. As time goes on, more and more people we know are suffering from this dreaded virus. We just need to keep staying in, staying positive and staying safe.

I find myself wishing the days would be slower, that the hours would stretch longer so that I have some time to pause and really take it all in. I’m very conscious of going totally backwards in everything I do, everything I once was known for has disappeared – maybe this is the time to find our true self? Discover who we really are?

Or maybe we just have too much thinking time on our hands.

Who knows.

I mean here I am rambling like a crazy person as I finish watching ratatouille – which believe it or not, is my go to film if I fancy a pick me up.

Told you I was a crazy person.

Maybe I should call it a night. Tomorrow is yet another busy day and the one thing I have struggled to get into is a routine. I had every intention of kicking it off tomorrow after sleeping through my half 6 alarm today.

Something tells me I’m in for another disappointment in the morning…

There’s always Wednesday.

Night folks x

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